Gita 1.37
Arjuna Vishada Yoga
तस्मान्नार्हा वयं हन्तुं धार्तराष्ट्रान्स्वबान्धवान् । स्वजनं हि कथं हत्वा सुखिनः स्याम माधव ॥३७॥
tasmān nārhā vayaṁ hantuṁ dhārtarāṣṭrān svabāndhavān svajanaṁ hi kathaṁ hatvā sukhinaḥ syāma mādhava
In essence: Killing family may win a kingdom, but it guarantees losing the only thing that makes kingdoms worth having—the capacity for happiness.
A conversation between a seeker and guide to help you feel this verse deeply
Sadhak-Guru Dialogue
Sadhak: "Arjuna keeps asking about happiness. Isn't that selfish? He should think about dharma, not personal happiness."
Guru: "An excellent challenge. But consider: if a soldier wins every battle and returns home unable to love, unable to laugh, unable to sleep—has he truly won? Arjuna is asking whether any victory is worth the inner destruction it might cause."
Sadhak: "But sometimes duty requires sacrifice of happiness. Isn't that part of being a warrior?"
Guru: "True, but Arjuna isn't avoiding sacrifice—he's questioning whether this particular sacrifice serves any greater good. If killing his family makes him permanently miserable, and that misery makes him a worse king, husband, father—who benefits? The calculus is not simple."
Sadhak: "So he's worried about his future effectiveness, not just his feelings?"
Guru: "Exactly. A broken man cannot protect the kingdom he has won. What good is a throne if the one who sits on it is haunted? Arjuna intuits that sustainable leadership requires sustainable psychology."
Sadhak: "I've felt this. I got the promotion I wanted, but I had to step on a colleague to get it. I can't enjoy it."
Guru: "And your inability to enjoy it—is that a weakness or a message? Perhaps your soul is telling you that the victory was not worth its cost. This is precisely Arjuna's wisdom in this moment."
Sadhak: "But what's the alternative? Let the Kauravas win? Let evil triumph?"
Guru: "You are thinking in binaries: either Arjuna fights miserably or evil wins. Krishna will offer a third path—action without the attachment that creates misery. But we are not there yet. First, Arjuna must fully feel the impossibility of the situation."
Sadhak: "So sitting in the impossibility is part of the path?"
Guru: "It is the beginning of the path. Most people rush to solutions before truly inhabiting the problem. Arjuna's greatness is that he pauses, trembles, questions, grieves. Only then does Krishna speak. The Gita begins with a man who has stopped pretending things are simple."
Sadhak: "I usually rush to solutions. Maybe I need to sit with problems longer?"
Guru: "Try it. Before the next difficult decision, instead of immediately asking 'What should I do?' ask 'What is really at stake here? What makes this hard?' Let the question breathe. The answer that eventually comes will have more depth."
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🌅 Daily Practice
Today, before making any decision, ask yourself: 'If I succeed in this, what will it cost me internally?' Practice distinguishing between goals that create sustainable satisfaction and those that lead to hollow victories. Write down one goal you're pursuing and honestly assess whether achieving it will make you capable of happiness.
Notice any moments when you feel pressure to 'win' at the expense of relationships. When you catch this, pause and ask: 'Is this victory worth the connection it might cost?' Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no. The practice is the asking, not any particular answer.
Reflect on your closest relationships. Are there any 'cold wars' where you are technically right but relationally wrong? Where you could win the argument but lose the person? Consider whether any of these victories are worth their cost. If not, consider reaching out to repair rather than continuing to win.